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Joke of the Day

"Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures"

"Teacher told me to give her eye contact when I speak with her. So i jabbed my finger in her eye to touch it."

"What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian? One they've never herbivore."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Aids."

"I always say ""morning"" instead of ""good morning"". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people."

"What did the intellectual neckbeard say to his buddy when he was asked about the Mayweather Pacquiao fight? I've never heard of that court case."

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it"

"Me: Would you remarry if I died? Wife: Yes. Me: What?!? Would you at least WAIT awhile? Wife: Depends. Are you dead because I killed you?"

"What should you do if your girlfriend is choking? Back up a couple of inches."

"[Spelling bee] Judge: ""Your word is unhelpful."" Kid: ""Can you use it in a sentence please?"" Judge: ""Nope."""