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Joke of the Day

"Two toilets were fighting one day when the first toilet said to the second toilet ""Put up your dooks""."

"TIFU by not paying attention while ordering at Subway. Whoops, wrong sub."

"People do not know how to merge into traffic. All you do is yield, look left, close your eyes, and go."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side. Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!"

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit on the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."

"God created everyone to be different on the outside....... But then He got to China and became lazy."

"The preacher tells me today... "" I hardly see you in church. You need to join the army of the Lord"". I said... ""I am. I'm in the secret service"""

"here's a business idea: a bed that is bigger than the biggest size bed we have currently"

"My girlfriend was sucking my dick...... My girlfriend was sucking my dick when she took it out of her mouth and said ""I don't really like the way dicks look."" I said ""Hmmm, it must be about taste"""

"Q: What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the Pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? A: surname"