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Joke of the Day

"The preacher tells me today... "" I hardly see you in church. You need to join the army of the Lord"". I said... ""I am. I'm in the secret service"""

"Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies"

"I applied to Hogwarts the a few weeks back. Unfortunately, I didn't get accepted. Figured I could just Slytherin."

"Giving ""the silent treatment"" only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say."

"Guy Fieri's parents were two lyrics websites"

"I'd kill a two-year-old... ...to get with Casey Anthony"

"So a bar walks into a guy 's asshole and the guy is like ""Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!"""

"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."

"When kids don't want to take a nap, can they be charged with resisting a rest?"

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers"