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Joke of the Day

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side. Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!"

"My printer just woke from sleep mode with a huge toner."

"One day my GPS is gonna say, ""You should know this one by now"" and shut off."

"What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? The rib cage."

"What is a hooker in Alaska called? A frostitute!"

"Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you'll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only."

"Why did the sun go to school? To get brighter!"

"An Australian man walked in on his girlfriend getting changed and she said ""Have you heard of knocking?"" He said ""It doesn't ring a bell"""

"David Cameron: ""In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked."" Buckingham Palace?"

"My wife told me some guy at the bar was buying her drinks all night to get me jealous. We'll it worked. I wish he was buying me drinks."