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Joke of the Day
"here's a business idea: a bed that is bigger than the biggest size bed we have currently"
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"If you pretend you're skimming you can straight up throw rocks at people."
"What can fly but can't be given? A fuck."
"Money cant buy happiness . . . but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle."
"My friend said he's going to a fancy dress party as a small Italian island..... I said don't be so silly."
"[bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese"
"If a child molester and an illegal immigrant get in a fight... Is it Alien vs. Predator?"
"I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!"
"Q: What did the nurse say to John Cena? A: ICU."
"What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore."