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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a pitbull and a hooker? Your last blowjob."

"What do you call a Kansas cover band composed of physicists? Baryon my wayward son!"

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"

"Did you hear the news about the CEO of Ford? He was seen with an escort..."

"I met a girl that told me, ""Make me laugh and I'm yours"". So I pulled down my pants. Apparently, she didn't want to laugh that hard. :("

"Who wants to play war? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!"

"Referring to people as individuals isn't accurate... I can divide them."

"I'm torn on what i really think about masturbation. on one hand it feels good."

"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"

"Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !"