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Joke of the Day
"""Honey, don't try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree,"" is a thing I literally just said."
Next Joke
"Sorry I broke up with you via interpretive dance."
"There was a contest for the best pun. I submitted ten puns. I hoped that one would win, but... No pun in ten did."
"What is a religious gorilla called? A monk-ey"
"If you made a triangle with sticks... would it be twigonometry?"
"Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room? Because it was More ER Tea."
"For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today."
"I hope my husband never gets Alzheimer's but if he does, I imagine my favorite part will be saying ""I gave you one yesterday."""
"How do you turn an airliner into a boat? #**Allahu Ackbar!**"
"What sentence did the man who took 2 minutes to turn around get? Man*slowturn*."