171325

Joke of the Day

"Why cant programmers tell the difference between christmas and thanksgiving? Because oct 31 = dec 25"

"What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands? ""I literally can't even."""

"If you hold a SUV up to your ear, you can almost hear the sound of the ocean screaming."

"Hunters Two hunters are in the woods. One passes out, so the other calls 911. ""How may we assist you?"" ""I think my friend is dead."" ""Make sure he's dead."" *Bang* ""Done."""

"Why are do many Italian-Americans named Tony? When they came to Ellis Island, not one of them could speak a lick of English, but they all had ""To NY"" on their hats."

"Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it."

"*visits new girlfriend's house for 1st time* ""Make yourself at home"" Great. Thanks! *I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*"

"Favstar is like that uncle we all have, he never works, but comes around every few months asking for money."

"What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet"

"What do you call a politician that can play brass? Donald trumpet"