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Joke of the Day

"has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life"

"EARTH: Goodnight Moon MOON: Goodnight Earth EARTH: Come closer and give me a kiss MOON: Okay {millions perish in massive tidal wave}"

"What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens? A Petophile"

"I used to think I'd never be able to be president because I'm a woman but now I know it's because I don't like drinking water"

"Been watching television without eating. I feel like I'm working."

"Why is it always a good idea to pack asparagus when you go camping? In case your other agus breaks."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Aromatic and with a bit of foam floating at the top."

"Men's underwear should be called ""manhole covers"""

"What do you call someone who smokes two joints? Double jointed."

"Why are lesbians such poor cooks? Because they love to eat out."