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Joke of the Day

"I use to worry I was a nihilist... but then I realized I don't care."

"I remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket He said ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"The Uranus hokes will never get old I just can stop lauging at the planets name."

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing."

"Whats the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeves"

"What do you call the corner of the market that specializes in philosophy? A Nietzsche market!"

"I like dead baby jokes as much as the next guy But sometimes you have to abort"

"What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee"

"I'm a ventriloquist. I can put my hand up your skirt and make your lips move!"

"I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib"