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Joke of the Day

"What other body parts did Voldemort not have apart from his nose? His legs and arms.. because he was disarmed and defeated."

"What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common? A Mexican is going to lay them one day"

"If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?"

"Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning."

"I like to go fishing from time to time... Just for the halibut."

"A guard is patrolling when he sees something moving in the bushes.... ""Who's in there?!"" He yells He gets a reply ""jean-claude van damme"" All 4 of you,get out!"

"What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach? You sand it!"

"How do I raise my kids? Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it?"

"I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them. My dads getting sick of them too."

"What's the matter? Hydrogen, mostly."