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Joke of the Day

"I told my mate that I couldn't make his wedding as I'm going to a brothel. ""You fucking arsehole"" he said. ""Depends how much money I have""."

"Did you hear about the man that lost half of his body? He's all right now."

"Do you really have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans or can you be a big fat giant monster? (asking for my big fat friend, Colleen)."

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to actually screw it in, and one to hold the ~~penis.~~ Edit: Ladder. One to hold the ladder."

"Remember when Disney used to produce cartoons, not teen sluts?"

"Spider: Why don't you like us? Most us are harmless and we kill all the bugs in your house? We just want to help Humans: EW EW EW EW OMG"

"Known as the ""one-day insect"" the Mayfly has the shortest lifespan of all organisms... But it still lives longer than my headphones."

"What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer A physicist says ""E = mc^2"", an engineer asks ""How much mass we talkin?"""

"What did the vampire say to her kids? Eat your dinner before it clots!"

"""Say no to Lindsay Lohan"" - Drugs"