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Joke of the Day

"I told my mate that I couldn't make his wedding as I'm going to a brothel. ""You fucking arsehole"" he said. ""Depends how much money I have""."

"Nightclub bouncers find me so attractive that they ask me to stand next to them while they make everyone else go inside."

"Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints? He couldn't decide what font to use."

"Facebook taught me to mind everyone else's business."

"If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically."

"Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list."

"My wife gets crazy when it comes to sex. I've had it with her."

"A man is praying to God because his son is a stripper. God replies, you think you've got it bad, my son thinks he's a doctor."

"Where does Santa get presents for bad kids? Kohl's."

"Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag.. ;)"