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Joke of the Day

"Apparently ""cool story, bro"" is not an acceptable substitute for ""congratulations"" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant."

"Lord of the Rings: A Shortened Version -Give me the ring. -No."

"Born free, taxed to death."

"*shoots self in the foot and screams in agony for 20 seconds* *hits 'stop recording' on outgoing voicemail message*"

"How do you know that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish? He was shot in the temple."

"NPR recently did an interview with on one of the key lobbyists trying to preserve the penny. He described himself as an agent of change in Washington."

"Whats it called when you 69 with someone who is sitting in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels"

"What did the football fan say to the paedophile footballer? Come on my son."

"Sports: The legal way to buy a black person."

"I saw a midget escaping from jail the other day He was looking down on me as he climbed down a rope. I though to myself, that's a little con descending"