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Joke of the Day

"Now I ain't saying she a gold digger, but she out in the field with a shovel & idk man she's diggin for somethin. Oh burying a body? Ok then"

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"""Welcome to Panda Express"" ""I'd like one panda"" ""Sorry we don't sell pand-"" *slips cashier $100* ""Meet me in the back alley in ten minutes"""
"*sends signal to space 24/7 that just says Updog* *aliens respond* Alien: Whats Updog? NASA: Lol guess there isnt intelligent life out there"
"That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer... Killer: ""Turn down that dark road down there."" Rapist: ""I was planning on it..."""
"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing."
"What stops your hair from falling? The floor"
"The substance was mildly acidic on the pH scale It was a solid 5/7"
"Just saw a license plate that said ""LUV SLUG."" I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter."
"I raised the alarm at work today... The midgets were furious."
"What do you call an arrogant criminal falling down the stairs? A condescending con descending."