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Joke of the Day

"My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards. *He takes strip poker very seriously.*"

"You're scared of pedophiles? Grow up."

"What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir. ^ ^"

"In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug."

"While in bed, my girlfriend said, ""OMG it's so large!"" Problem is, I'm a serious arachnophobe, and it was right next to me."

"What do you call a skinhead underwater? An oister"

"I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon."

"Whoever decided to print nutritional information on ice cream cartons should be arrested and tried for the murder of my happiness."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)"

"If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? If not, do you wanna go camping?"