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Joke of the Day

"In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug."

"I broke my arm when I was a kid, my Dad carried me ten miles to the hospital, he has cancer, so that's why my tattoo is hot nurse. -LA Ink."

"""Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."" ""Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"" ""Seems fine."""

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts."

"So a rhino walks into a bar... and several patrons pay their tabs and leave because they see the danger in this situation."

"[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share] ME: I knew she'd come crawling back to me one day"

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted"

"I'm not sexist. Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for woman."

"What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? beer"

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"