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Joke of the Day

"In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug."

"""Dean, what do you think is a reasonable price point for a chocolate cake?"" ""Good question, Deluca. I'm gonna say $95."""

"Last night I met the girl of my dreams... Then I woke up."

"Q: What can a goose do a duck can't and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his ass."

"I opened my closet, looking for my boots. And there they were... Gone! (as told to my by my Bella-Russian-Canadian (and redditor) friend)..."

"What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense."

"What do you do at a festival when the bass is too much? Drop some acid, it'll neutralize the effect"

"Why was the attorney kicked out of choir? All she could sing was, ""Law, law, law, law, law, law, law."""

"Sing like no one is listening. Dance like you need to be shot with a tranquilizer dart."

"Ladies, if a man doesn't answer your ""What are you doing tonight?"" text till it's already night time, you're Plan B."