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Joke of the Day

"I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me."

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"If a group of ducks were controlling the ""autocorrect"" feature that would be ducking insane"
"What do women in the Middle East and Millennials have in common? If they go to college, they'll probably get stoned."
"My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said ""What the fuck man it's, 2016, you can use whatever printer you want""."
"How is a Christmas tree like a man who's had a vasectomy? They both have ornamental balls."
"I bet Ryan Gosling doesn't even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint."
"Left handed people can't do anything right. That... that's it. That's the joke. You don't get it? Then you're probably left handed."
"Fizzy drinks are Soda-sgusting *bad dum tiss*"
"Let's hear it for snow!.. The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day."
"An old teacher asked her student... ""If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"" The student replied, ""It is obviously past."""