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Joke of the Day
"Fizzy drinks are Soda-sgusting *bad dum tiss*"
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"[Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit"
"Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off? There were too many fowls."
"A Disney joke not for the kids ""How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?"" 20? ""Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."""
"[gym] Trainer: You here to get cut? Me: Uhh no, I'm already circumcised and if that's covered under my membership, I want a reduced bill"
"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"
"My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog."
"If you only speak one language you have no excuse to suck at it."
"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."
"It's like Grandma used to say, ""All men are hilarious, until you marry one."""