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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand the appeal of strip clubs... All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have sex with you. If I wanted that I would be married."

"Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight."

"Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day i decided to get sober. And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I decided sobriety wasn't for me."

"A kid looks up from his phone... ...."

"If she boasts how adult coloring is therapeutic and has made her more tolerant and patient Hide her markers And wait..."

"Why did all the black people die in the war? Because when they captain said, ""GET DOWN!"" They all started dancing.."

"MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING : - Bible - iBible iPhone app - Holy Water - Priest - Jesus - 5 Jesus necklaces - Holy Spirt"

"The word politics is derived from two words The word poly meaning many and the word ticks meaning blood sucking parasite."

"Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living"

"If you had a 14 inch penis growing out of your forehead how much of it could you see? None because you would have two balls in your eyes."