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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight."

"I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon."

"This ebola scare is getting out of hand I just threw ebola at someone who said good morning to me before I had my coffee"

"A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall... and asks his dad for forty dollars. ""Thirty dollars?"" he replies. ""What do you need twenty dollars for?"""

"What do they pass around after dinner at Buckingham Palace? Under Eights."

"There are 4 states of matter... Solids, Liquids, Gases, and Black lives"

"What do moths study at school? Mothmatics"

"Robin Williams: *Goes for hi-five* C'mon man, don't leave me hanging."

"I just found a half eaten hotdog inside of a Mr.Potatohead in the hamper. Living with a toddler is like living with a tiny hammered person."

"Nobody ever believes me when I say I have to go to the bathroom. They always say that I'm full of crap"