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Joke of the Day

"Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day i decided to get sober. And tomorrow is the anniversary of the day I decided sobriety wasn't for me."

"I hope there's a special place in Hell for me. I'd hate to be lumped in with all those other assholes."

"Day one of acting school should be teaching actors how to hold an empty cup of coffee on 'Law and Order' like it's a full cup of coffee."

"Trinity: ""I really can't stay."" Neo: ""Baby it's code outside."""

"UKIP joke A man walked into a Pakistani book shop and asked the owner if they had UKIP's new book. The shop owner said ""Fuck off, get out and stay out."" So the man replied, yep that's the one."

"What happens when Mario parks his car outside the wrong castle? He gets Toad"

"Home is where the Wi-Fi is."

"I was really into the idea of Salsa dancing, until I learned there are no chips. Or salsa."

"I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes."

"TIFU by posting in the wrong subreddit"