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Joke of the Day

"Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living"

"The poor sentence got hurt while riding his bike... He got his dangling modifier stuck in the chain."

"Why was the doctor in a hurry to move to the big city? He was running out of patients."

"How do we know Jesus turned water into wine at parties? Because if he turned the **wine** into **water** someone would have kicked the shit out of him."

"Every thousand years the long rain comes... And with it come the wet walkers..."

"How do you kiss a girl on valentines day? You use tulips."

"What bounces and makes kids cry? My donation cheque to ""Children in Need""."

"What do you get if you cross a dentist and a soldier? A Drill Sergeant"

"I'm only putting a picture of me in my locket. This proves I'm independent."

"How did Micro-soft get it's name? Because Bill Gates has a 3.5 inch floppy"