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Joke of the Day

"Little boy has diarrhea and tells his mom he needs viagra Mom replies "" What the hell for?"" Boy replies ""Isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"""

"I swallow at least one note per meal that says ""we're all really proud of you,"" in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day."

"My boyfriend said that I'm more than enough woman for him, and now I'm mad because I think he called me fat."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A picture of Jesus only needs *one nail* to hold it up."

"*pulls handle on slot machine *prune *prune *prune *diarrhea comes out"

"What are a terrestrial planet's favorite genres of music? Rock and Heavy Metal"

"A cowboy goes to the barber. When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what? Pony gone."

"I tried to eat a clock... ...but it was very time consuming."

"Remember when Taco Bell's slogan was ""run for the border""? Doesn't that seem really racist now... that would be like KFC's slogan being ""go back to Africa"""

"Where does a dog get a new tail? At the Retail Store"