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Joke of the Day

"Jehovah's witnesses are at my door. *Lights black candles, dons flowing dress, opens door, and says seductively, ""Are you the keymaster?""*"

"I'm never tired. They call me Ironman"

"Optimism The eternal belief that you're always one-third of the way to a threesome."

"""Hey look, a cemetery"" Dad: ""People are just dyin' to get there."""

"What is a pedophile's favorite shoe? White Vans."

"What do you call a digital video recorder that cuts down trees and builds dams? A bvr"

"*takes a sip* this wine has a full body, hint of honey, and a rich pallet. ""sir that's windex."" yes, yes, ill take a bottle."

"Why shouldn't girls wear duck pants You can see their quack"

"Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?"

"*bumps into an acquaintance in a world where there's no such thing as weather* Uhhhhhhhhhhh"