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Joke of the Day

"[takes a sip at wine tasting] Ah yes, this is nice. You can really taste the wet dog and Code Red Mountain Dew."

"I woke up this morning to find chinese writing all over my bedroom walls. I couldn't understand it."

"Why was the Jedi so good at the synthesizer? He had a high MIDI-chlorian count. Test."

"Had an extra four seconds today so I learned how to play the bongos."

"Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic? Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower."

"This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do."

"If guys were smart they would forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls buying frozen dinners and cat food."

"I lost over 100 pounds in the last week. The casinos here in London have terrible odds."

"A boy calls 911 Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911 Operator: What's your emergency? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911 Operator: So what's the problem? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"What is worse than waking up with your dick in your mouth after sleeping with your gf? Waking up with her dick in your mouth"