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Joke of the Day

"I lost over 100 pounds in the last week. The casinos here in London have terrible odds."

"Why was Jon Snow so successful at basketball? he knew where to put it.."

"""I'm sure if I show my gf my Twitter, she'll understand it's just for fun."" Said a bunch of now single guys."

"Speaking of lent some of you mofos owe me money"

"Why couldn't the whistle blower make it home for the holidays? he was snowden"

"Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg ""Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?"" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*"

"Two types of people from small towns: 1. Let's leave after high school and find culture! 2. Where is everyone? Better make some new people!"

"A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird."

"The Holacust isn't funny my grandfather died in one of those camps he fell off his guard tower"

"People drive like shit when I'm texting."