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Joke of the Day

"Tampax needs to extend the string to 2ft so I can hang myself with it every month."

"DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON ""Can we put Nutella on our salmon and call it salmonella?"" This has been DINNERTIME FOOD IDEAS FROM MY SON"

"Did you hear about the chickpeas who took a tumble? It was falafel."

"Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out."

"Wait till the hamburglar finds out about money"

"North Korea right now."

"I made a joke about a midget criminal running down the stairs. The punchline is a little condescending. Ba dum *tss*"

"Joke from my daughter. What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato? HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle"

"One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses."

"6/6/14 Dear Diary - Today was really great. Got a job as an intern with the CIA and sent a cool tweet. 6/7/14 Dear Diary - Guantanamo sucks."