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Joke of the Day

"I made a joke about a midget criminal running down the stairs. The punchline is a little condescending. Ba dum *tss*"

"[OC c/o my 9 y.o.] What holds up a bowl's pants? Suspoonders!"

"""are u crying?"" ""no I just have swag in my eye"""

"Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions"

"What's the difference between a very old shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee."

"A man walked into a bar. He should have been watching where we was going."

"My neighbors look so happy. We can fix that."

"Fire alarms should just play Nickelback Anyone who stays in the building deserves what they get."

"Just saw a bag of McDonalds in the street. Unsure how this will affect brand. Could be good (free advertising) or bad (no one was eating it)"

"He who stands on a toilet is high on pot."