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Joke of the Day

"One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses."

"The roundest Knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi."

"Why don't women sleep on the left side of the bed? Because they always want to be right."

"What do you call an orgy with six paraplegics? A threesome."

"As a European, I was always troubled by 2 Girls 1 Cup. Just how much is that in grams?"

"My wife treats me like a God...She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something."

"""Last call for flight 254"" [Runs to gate] ""You barely made it"" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan"

"Things that kinda rhyme... Very Hungry Caterpillar Scary Money Counterfeiter"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."

"A police officer pulled me over and said ""Sir, please identify yourself"" So I took out a mirror and replied ""yeah, it's me"""