169925

Joke of the Day

"Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always ""KILL"" or ""MURDER"" or ""YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"""

"I just ran 4.1 Kms and realized you can write anything you want after that and no one will read it purple monkey dishwasher."

"If a man's signature is called a ""John Hancock"" what do you call a woman's? Historically insignificant. Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work."

"What is Bill Cosby's favorite hotel chain? Red Roofie Inn. I'll show myself out."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a WWI soldier? A WWI soldier has a reason for shooting himself in the foot."

"Why couldn't the shoes go out and play? They were all tied up."

"this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*"

"Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard."

"If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they've taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike."

"what do you call someone who critiques bad jokes? A cheese-grader!!"