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Joke of the Day

"What did the horse say when it fell down? Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up!"

"Got myself a Microsoft advent calendar but I'm worried that once I've opened 3 or 4 windows I won't be able to open any more..."

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Please get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,"" she replied, ""you can borrow my iPad."" That spider never knew what fucking hit it."

"I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach.... ...boy was my face red."

"Q: What insect lives on nothing? A: Moths, because they eat holes."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Christopher Walken. ""Christopher Walken who?"" Christopher Walken and then walk out after his weird cameo."

"One goldfish to his tankmate: ""If there's no God who changes the water?"""

"My music teacher told me to stay on key I said ""pitch please"""

"How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions? With erections."

"[soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]"