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Joke of the Day

"My hobbies include 1. Refreshing the same fucking apps over and over 2. Winning arguments in my head that are already over 3. Starring into the fridge because I'm bored ..."

"Why doesn't the weatherman just say cloudy with a 90% chance of bullshit? Because that's pretty much what the forecast has been lately."

"I once went on a date with a playwright It was all going well, until she started making a scene"

"A rapper just came out with a line of premium sausages. Meats by Dre."

"Everyone, stop making menstrual cycle jokes. Period."

"Which war had the most overweight soldiers? VietNOMNOMNOM"

"What do you call the chicken between the chicken thigh and the chicken wing? The chicken butt"

"Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex? Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position."

"Difference's Between two Jesus's What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and actual Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus."

"*outside my house* - Don't let them know you have Clifford - Hey you must really like red your whole first floor is red, and barks? - Damn"