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Joke of the Day

"As soon as I can go a full year without losing a pair of sunglasses, then maybe I'll be ready to take care of a kid."

"I heard that boomerangs are becoming popular again... They're really making a comeback!"

"What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but they can't eat it."

"I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums."

"What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery? A yeaster bunny!"

"Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends."

"I went to library to check out a book on suicide. The librarian asked me ""who would bring it back?"""

"[helping son prepare for first date] ""what if she doesn't like it"" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son"

"What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? Wheeeeee!"

"How do you eat the Flesh Hounds? WH40K Humor: I don't know about you, but I prefer my Khorne Dogs with ketchup."