137978

Joke of the Day

"What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but they can't eat it."

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid... ...but my parents told me the sky was the limit."

"I don't go to the mailbox because that's where the Responsibility Monster lives."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fish."

"#NewSATQuestions Starbucks messed up Kate's order. Kate's white. How done is she? a.) 100% done b.) 300% done c.) SO done d.) She can't even"

"""We are going to Taiwan"" Juan: No, please don't!"

"Sext: You are a butterfly. I am a caterpillar. Surprise twist, I am Chris Hansen in a caterpillar suit. You are under arrest."

"Why is Riot Fest going to be in Toronto? They play music, not hockey."

"If there's one thing that Twitter has taught me its that all the weird kids in school eventually find each other."

"Someone stole my................... Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that."