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Joke of the Day

"Today, I was beaten up by this woman ... I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, ""Would you please press one."" So I did."

"I woke up this morning with Chinese writing all over my bedroom walls. I couldn't understand it."

"""You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead"" - my seven-year-old to me this morning"

"The biggest cause of paedophilia in the world today... ...sexy kids"

"Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time."

"Why are art contests so disappointing? They always end in a draw"

"How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is."

"A well executed theft leaving no fingerprints behind is... ... a stainless steal."

"The Bartender replies, ""Sorry, but we don't serve particles faster than light"" A Neutrino walks into a bar"

"I asked my Nan what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something from the Body Shop please,"" she replied..... Hope she's got enough room in the flat for the front wing off a Mondeo."