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Joke of the Day

"Be yourself. Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food."

"Abortion sure brings out the kid in you."

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? Pilot, you fucking racist!"

"If I ever become a DJ, my name will be DJ Oriental Immigrant Because I lay down sick tracks"

"If Watergate happened today it would be called Watergategate."

"3 blind mice walk into a bar... ...but they are unaware of their surroundings so to draw humour from their situation would be exploitative."

"My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an asshole."

"I witnessed an attempted murder earlier... Luckily only one crow showed up..."

"Why are fat girls so good at giving head? Because they have to be."

"Why do Egyptian farts smell the same? They have toots in common."