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Joke of the Day

"the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am"

"What do you call a Scottish lady that wears nothing but a tie? Hentai."

"If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, ""aww."""

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my wiener in a car exhaust pipe"

"No mushrooms, no chives. Bob Marley ordering a pizza."

"I almost forgot to wish a happy St. Patty's day to... ...Barack O'Bama Got this from Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter."

"Did you hear about that actress that stabbed herself? Reese something? No it was with her knife"

"Say what you want about deaf people."

"The best jokes are the ones you have to explain. It's funny because the best jokes are the ones you *don't* have to explain."

"I'd rather be an outlaw than an in-law."