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Joke of the Day

"came from my uncle: Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast? because the population is always Dublin."

"What did the power ranger-turned-addict say? It's morphine time!"

"I heard that the president was poisoned, then cured. But the information is purely antidotal."

"""WAIT!"" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added ""TUBE"" so yeah, God exists."

"A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: ""I feel like the world's moving in slow motion"" (pause) Coworker 1: ""Oh wait, it's just Charlie"" (motions at partner)"

"I think I made a good joke Donald Trump"

"Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one."

"What do vacuums and woman have in common? The more you pay, the better they suck."

"""The snack that smiles back..."" ""Babies!"""

"So I just started my own indoor ship production company. Production was great, until sales started going through the roof."