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Joke of the Day

"Son: What are caterpillars afraid of? Me: It's unlikely that they experience fear. They're not self-aware, so... Son: [sadly] Dogerpillars."

"What is a Sloth's favorite breakfast food? Slothages."

"I've got my girlfriend working on her gag reflex... ...I haven't got a big dick or anything, she just throws up when she sees me naked"

"Election There was an election in New York."

"What are Islamic extremists favourite drink? Smirnoff Isis"

"I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses."

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from."

"How are condoms like cameras? They capture your special moments."

"I was so surprised when he said those three little words to me: ""You're embarrassingly bad at math. This is over."""

"Take 1/5th the $ car insurance companies spend on advertising, apply it to health care, and everyone can have golden organs and never die."