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Joke of the Day

"Election There was an election in New York."

"[to a straight couple] Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian"

"Aquaman: Come on in the water is great. Ironman: Sorry dude I have rust issues."

"Ray Rice. Michael Vick. And now Adrian Peterson. Congratulations, NFL. Your woman/children/animal abuse trifecta is officially complete."

"BALD FLEAS Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head? A: Homeless."

"Why should you never mess with an angry dysentery patient? They lose their shit over the smallest things!"

"Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race? I've finally turned a corner in my career."

"For what I lack in imagination, I more than make up for in something else."

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never paid to have a lentil on me."