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Joke of the Day

"How are condoms like cameras? They capture your special moments."

"I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder."

"If Batman and Catwoman had a kid it would be called Batcat; or the more unfortunate ManWoman."

"[at the mall] ""Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?"" ""Of course."" [leans in to mic] ""Goodbye you little shit."""

"I'm getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I've got Norton but."

"*rolls out of bed* *rolls into other strategically placed bed* ""Nice."""

"Batman V Superman 2: Both men agree their last battle was too destructive They settle their differences by playing Uno Loser leaves earth"

"They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie... It still hasn't cured my alcoholism."

"What starts with F and ends with UCK? Firetruck. Sorry."

"I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid but he says he can stop at anytime!"