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Joke of the Day

"Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend either the car is new or the girlfriend is."

"""So, do you play any instruments?"" Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*"

"Was driving to work this morning and saw a pluming truck with the best slogan ever. Had to share... J&S Plumbing: Because sometimes a flush is better than a full house."

"Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby? Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)"

"What kind of environment do hobbits live in? A hobbitat"

"Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?"

"What do you call an asthmatic bird? A puffin."

"I Don't like racist jokes... ...because I don't appreciate black humour."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them."

"My Grandma has such beautiful... 3-Ply toilet paper. It feels so good on my ass."