135460

Joke of the Day

"(Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here."

"Why did the sheep move house? The neighbours were baaastsrds."

"Hey girl, are you a candy? Because i have a crush on you"

"My girlfriend is the undisputed queen of not giving a fuck But it's all good. Her sister is plenty wild for the both of them"

"One of the perks of being a woman is that no one can ever surprise you with a kid years later and tell you you're the mom."

"The weather is so nice it makes me want to watch TV with the windows open."

"I have a love-hate relationship with my wife... I love her, she hates me! Ho-ho!"

"What's a horny pirates worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty"

"I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... fucking livid"

"Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees."