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Joke of the Day

"Nurse: ""It says here you're lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?"" Me: ""No. I just really, really can't stand polos with crocodiles on them."""

"What do you call an alien with three balls? E.T. the extra testicle."

"Why does /r/jokes love fencing? They've all mastered the riposte."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph not essay"

"With my luck, I bet if I was homeless, I'd probably end up with the shopping cart with the fucked up wheel."

"What do you get when you squish a synagogue? Jews"

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Mega-saur-ass"

"Black Friday deals but at the pharmacy"

"After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall"

"Say the punchline first. Wait, I mean, how do you ruin a good joke?"