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Joke of the Day

"Don't make fun of a fat man with a lisp. He is probably thick and tired of it"

"Is it bad to feel the need to finish off prescription drugs before they expire? I don't have most of these ailments but they were expensive"

"A friend of mine accused me of having a scat fetish Fuck that shit."

"What does the last man on earth watch on tv? reruns"

"My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery."

"You know why I like having sex while I'm camping? It's fucking in tents"

"The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood."

"If you say a number loud enough its value increases. * 5 = 5 * 5! = 120"

"Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility... everyone is counting on them."

"What should you do when a bull charges you? Pay him"