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Joke of the Day

"My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick up your ass."

"What can be found in a cannibal's shower? head & shoulders"

"What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny."

"I decided to leave work an hour early today You should have seen the look on the co-pilot's face when I grabbed that parachute."

"""I hope they bought enough beer so they won't notice how much I'm drinking"" -My prayer as I pull into my parents driveway"

"On my way home from work today I was listening to Placebo.. I thought I was listening to something else, but obviously I was the control group."

"My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull."

"The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet."

"Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church? He wanted to speak in tungsten."