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Joke of the Day

"The other day I saw a short man carrying an LED tv and I asked "" hey do you help carrying that tv?"" And he replied all pissed off ""Fuck off dude, this is my tablet"""

"A robber broke into a perfume store... He raided the register and stole everything in the store, he took every last scent."

"Want to hear a pizza joke? It's pretty cheesy."

"Throwing a grenade at someone who's taking a selfie is photobombing, right?"

"[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants!"

"An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines."

"What do you find at an end of the rainbow? Violet"

"Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting."

"I don't even like sleep, it's just the only way I can eat spiders"

"If I had a dollar every time a woman called me handsome... I would have one dollar... thanks mom..."