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Joke of the Day

"[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.... I said u look really fat in those pants!"

"My cowboy friends phone froze on gindr the other day He kept asking ""Why can't I quit you"""

"SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job."

"I'm like a cupcake, I'll go straight to your ass, girl."

"Where do birds invest their money ? In the stork market !"

"I've got hoes in different area codes. (I'm very careless with my gardening tools.)"

"Patient:Do you extract teeth painlessly? Dentis: ""Not always the other day I nearly dislocated my wrist"

"Hey Nikon, just a friendly heads-up here... NOBODY gives one single fuck what camera Ashton Kutcher uses."

"A Storm Trooper and a Red Shirt get into a fight. Storm Trooper misses every shot. Red Shirt dies anyways."

"Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn't come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn't a gift"