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Joke of the Day

"Tim Cook has announced that he's gay. Samsung just filed a lawsuit claiming they came out of the closet 3 years ago. #Apple"

"what do you call a 3 humped camel? Pregnant"

"Why was the stadium so cool? it was full of fans. Thank thank you for your time"

"She: ""Give it to me, I'm soo wet! give it to me!"" Me: She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine."

"[Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. ""How is Rock School going dear?"" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind."

"I went out for a vindaloo last night and my arse is really sore today I can't believe some of the things I do for a free curry."

"Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they don't have 2 towers."

"New Immigration Policy Obama tells 5 million illegal immigrants: ""Come out of the shadows and register, or shovel out Ralph Wilson Stadium."""

"What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder."

"I made this status nice and short so you can just move onto the next one."