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Joke of the Day

"Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they don't have 2 towers."

"Books keep falling on my head.... I've only got myshelf to blame"

"What do a house and clean clothes have in common? Homeless people have neither."

"I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. ""That's total bollocks"" I replied, by text, from across the road."

"At what time do most people go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty (2:30)."

"A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress"

"The revolution will be tweeted. The sunset, Instagrammed. The relationship, Facebooked. The storm, Vined."

"What's the cheat code for Friday?"

"Did you hear about the guy with five penises? His pants fit like a glove."

"Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female? Yup, They all have periods!"